I have however figured out what my motivational problem is. It isn't so much that I am not motivated to do the work I need to do, but after having the run of being really sick and not being able to do it, I have lost my confidence in it. I know the potential is there, but the horse that threw me off is looking very large at the moment, and it is taking a bit to get back on it.
My best friend from tassie is on a trip to Darwin at the moment, and aside from B, who lives all the way in the states, it dawned on me that I have no one to talk to. I have a group of people who say I am "the closest person they have" and yet whenever I put up my hand they are never there. I cut off so many people when it all got too hard for them in the beginning when I was sick and had no diagnosis, and I have this niggling feeling that if I cut of these people there will be no one left. And I know I should because what is the use of giving everything and not getting a single "hey how are you doing?" in return, but the prospect is a little daunting.
I'm going to go to one of the other docs today to get some repeat prescriptions, and I have decided that on the way home I am going to make myself feel better and drop into spotlight and get some nice patterns and some pretty fabric. My insomnia run is getting ridiculous, and I need something to keep me occupied that is relaxing. I just don't have the concentration to read at the moment.
And I will get my head around using commercial patterns. Why I have so much trouble I don't know. I can't follow recipies very well either. I can make them from scratch, but I just can't seem to follow directions. And as time consuming as it is, I want to make a wearable garment to test my handsewing, rather than just corsets. I'd like to see how long it lasts. For some reason I have this odd urge to sew bias binding.
I think that I will have a look at some regency patterns. I love the empire style, and I want to make a nightdress that feels good and looks good, and old world. I also want to make myself a nice flowy light warm weather dressing gown, because I can never buy them in the lengths I want, or they have lace in places I don't like.
I just hope the docs are there today.
I'm having a rough trot at the moment. Feeling very isolated.