Vertizart

I haven't updated in ages. I just haven't felt like it. things haven't been too good.

I'm on some scary epilepsy meds for the migraine and working through the side effects, my relationship is on a hiatus and uni starts back soon and I'm a bit nervous about it.

I just dont have much to say about anything lately. Something is missing, and I don't know what.

I went to the neurologist today.

It is over.

There is nothing they can do.

I was advised there is no point seeing another neurologist about this, as they have never seen anything like this. It is no relation to the addisons. My only option is pain management, and hoping it breaks naturally before my kidneys shut down.

He said that he highly doubts I will have this migraine for the rest of my life, but not to expect it to go away within months. It may be 5 years. It may be 10. They don't know. All they know is it is over 2 years and it is getting worse, and they don't know what to do.

I feel like walking into the sea and to just keep walking.

I can't.. stop...

watching the BBC 2006 Jane Eyre, so here is Jane when she is talking to Rochester.

http://vertizart.deviantart.com/art/Ruth-Wilson-as-Jane-Eyre-123916237

http://vertizart.deviantart.com/art/The-Gypsy-Girl-123907864

I have missed my pencil.

I have done the latest in the shakespeare series, Juliet waking from her sleep

http://vertizart.deviantart.com/art/Juliet-Awakes-123454798.

In the states today it is the man's birthday. I left him a voicemail, which he loved, and his present is already in the mail. Things are looking up for him at last. It's nice to hear him genuinely happy again.

http://vertizart.deviantart.com/art/Oiseaux-de-Regina-Revisited-123138434

A nice character study was in order I believe.

http://vertizart.deviantart.com/art/Light-2-123086354

http://vertizart.deviantart.com/art/All-is-lost-123025421

New arts. I can't believe I managed to pull out 2.

I love All is lost. I really like the light source, but All is lost means a lot to me.

http://vertizart.deviantart.com/art/Light-122943314

The latest. Finally.

I haven't been able to do any art since I found out a close friend of mine committed suicide. I haven't been able to do much of anything, but I think I am back.

Its been a tough run lately.

yet another winter, by far my favourite

http://vertizart.deviantart.com/art/winter-3-121463554

I'm having a srange come down from yesterday, I feel distinctly ill at ease.

and I just have to say, I distinctly loathe the acronyym "ttfn". It really gets on my nerves.

Another Winter. I do like this character, but she lost her hat.

http://vertizart.deviantart.com/art/winter-2-121328011

I'm about to start a third, I dont know if I will do any more. I guess I'll just wait and see if another piece grabs me.

Just had a nice and easy conversation with B. made me feel a bit better. I'm going to see a shrink this afternoon about dealing with chronic pain. Not so sure how I feel about it. Kind of worried about being shoved into the too hard basket again. I am very wary of specialists. So I am in distractorama mode.

A new one!

I really like this one,

http://vertizart.deviantart.com/art/Winter-120991652

Am going to more of her. I love her dress and her innocence.

http://vertizart.deviantart.com/art/Sanctuary-120582783

A cathartic paper experiment.

GOD IT TOOK SO LONG AND NOW I HAVE A CLAW HAND.

but she is done.

Another in the Shakespeare Illustration series, Lady Macbeth scheming before she goes insane.

http://vertizart.deviantart.com/art/Lady-Macbeth-120131447

I got trigger happy and finally got an ink, but I misjudged the distance and thought I would have a border, but it looks like she's getting a background when I find one.

http://vertizart.deviantart.com/art/Untitled-WIP-119941888

I hope this means the drought is over...

Ugh.

It has been a horrible couple of weeks.

I am in an ink rut, and bought a cheap sketch pad to do some fold practice and such.

http://vertizart.deviantart.com/art/sketch-dump-1-119373528


http://vertizart.deviantart.com/art/sketch-dump-2-119373792


http://vertizart.deviantart.com/art/sketch-dump-3-119373975

oh man I am about ready to drop. So tired.

The latest in the shakespeare illustrations, Desdemona preparing for bed and to be snuffed by a pillow.

http://vertizart.deviantart.com/art/Desdemona-118460663

this one was hard. But worth it, I hope.

My life is a bit of a mess at the moment. Things are fine with B, but I found out a whole heap of things that he thought would make me head for the hills, which obviously it didn't, but it was a lot to swallow. And I've been really down lately. I can't pinpoint why, but my thoughts have been very dark. I disturbed myself yesterday when I came to the conclusion that if my mother had the happiness she deserved, and had never gone through the horrors of an abusive husband I would not exist, and if B had the happiness he deserved, he would never have been widowed. To wish for what would make the two people I love most in the world happy is to wish myself out of existance.

I have been in a very strange place. I hope this stops soon. Rasputin, the migraine, incidently is 2 years old today.

I have a plague, and it hurts to breathe.

uuuuuugh.

I also can't sleep. which is possibly a good thing considering as I have an untreatable infection, if I were to be asleep I would have to be woken up every hour incase I have lapsed into a coma.

YAY.

UGH.

I hope I can get some work done. I need distractions.

http://vertizart.deviantart.com/art/Thorns-117698497

very cathartic. Painful, but out.

The 2nd in the minimalist series.

http://vertizart.deviantart.com/art/Minimalisst-2-117489681

I"ve had another "I'm sorry I can't do anything for you" from the specialist about the migraine, so it is off to yet another nuerologist.

So I have been in quite the dark mood as of late, and getting back into the swing of things has been difficult.

And now I have a plague of Doom. Ugh.

The next series of 3, the first, Minimalist : 1

http://vertizart.deviantart.com/art/Minimalist-1-116876951

it took so long.

the irony is almost not amusing calling this minimalist.

but it worked I think.